Exam Lunacy

Yeah, yeah, exams are stressful for everyone. Be it any subject, any field, any age, gender blah blah blah and so on. But some people go off the grid when dealing with it. I still remember my tenth and twelfth board exams. Terrifying, as they were, minus all the fuss attached to it, parents and teachers really don’t help. And one other person who really doesn’t help is the previous year’s topper, who has his/her face plastered on every other ‘coaching’ centre book/guide. Really don’t understand what the hype is all about. Indians are funny, they will idolize anyone and everyone. All you need to do is get some ‘rank’, and a temple will be built for you.
Scene 1
Place : Outside the examination hall
Time: Before the exam
The area outside the examination hall before the exam usually resembles a fish market. Filled with different kinds of fish. Fish here refers to the variety of students that go to give these exams. One kind appears with the following description- Tall, geeky, nervous, sweaty, soda bottle glasses, with vibhudhi enough to drown one adult male elephant plastered across the forehead, mumbling some last minute ‘extra’ stuff. Can totally pass off for a samiyaar or a guy trying to ward off the voodoo evil. Following him will be his mother- the ever hopeful, the over achieving screechy, high pitched lady who would have spent the last 6 months feeding her son, as if he was going to go in for a world wrestling match. She would be carrying extra idlis, coffee in the sudden emergency that her already overfed hyperexcited, overachieving kid wanted some more, in the few moments before the exam. Last minute- one tiny kumkumam, vibudhi packet will be opened,(Prasad from the deity) as if all that on his forehead, was not enough. Religion/devotion/prayers tend to be rampant at this time and hour. Last minute clarifications will be exchanged between members of the said species, with each member unwilling to part any information which may give him an edge over the other, followed by glaring looks and superficial good luck wishes. I’m surprised these mothers don’t believe in the voodoo stuff. I can totally imagine them piercing needles on miniature dolls resembling their kid’s rival.
There’s another breed, that is usually not visible till the last few minutes before the start of the exam. They are the more experienced ones, who have written the exam before, and who ‘know’ what it is all about. They are visible only to the trained eye, when they waltz into the hall just before the bell rings, with no stationery to write, they don’t mind borrowing, and they don’t mind the fact that they wont know all the answers. This particular set may or may not doze off for a few minutes during the examination, may or may not ask for additional sheets, may or may not stay the entire duration of the exam.

Scene 2a
Place: Examination hall
Time: 3 hours of exam
The first breed of fish will be seen to write feverishly, from the start till the very end. Additional sheets will be flying off the table, ink will run out, hands will start to tremble, as the nerd tries to fill in the sheets with every possible info that is there in his head, even if it isn’t really pertinent to the question. Double colour pens, underlining, highlighting, its surprising the sheets don’t tear with his enthusiasm. He’ll probably write till the end of the day, if they allowed him to. Thank god for time limits. The dude will have about 4 pens of each colour and design, in case the first second and third stop writing. So, what happens when the fourth also runs out of ink? It’s a huge risk that he will have to take! Such a fiasco, that would be! I’m sure he, and his mother would have had nightmares about it. After all, there is only one pen that you can write with at any given point of time. Unless, of course he’s Arjuna the ambidexterous. Even then, two pens would suffice. The most brilliant aspect of this situation is that, he will be extremely unwilling to loan a pen to his fellow mates.

Scene 2b
Place: Outside the exam hall
Everything is quiet. Except for the ocassional chirping of birds and the silent prayers from some obsessive mothers. If it weren’t for the rules, am sure some of them would have organized ‘homams’ and ‘havans’ and all that in that time frame. So that, one more ‘ranker’ is created, and the numerous coaching centres have a field day.

Scene 3
Time : Immediate post exam
Place: Outside the exam hall
The scene is worse than a fish market. Mothers, mothers, mothers everywhere! And in some cases occasional fathers. Each one twisting his/her neck, looking at every guy/girl who comes outside the hall, trying to gauge from their facial expressions as to how tough/easy the exam was, and mentally fitting in that same guy/girl in their list of ‘good’ students, so that they have a rough idea as to how their own offspring would have fared. It kind of resembles the yester year scene at the airport when one goes to receive a would be son in law at the airport (when going abroad was rather prestigious) Each mother probably carrying an imaginary placard that says- “topper”.
Mr/Ms top ranker walks out, sees his/her mother ‘knowing’ glances are exchanged between them and they silently move out. For of course, its kind of rude to say you’ve done well in the exam. The fashion is that you say you’ve done terribly. And act surprised when the results come out. Like those Miss Universe/world paegents. Cover your mouths, and squeal. Those types. So, after the exam, Mr / Ms top ranker usually say that they are going to fail. Despite the vibhudhi,the prayers, the different colour pens, and all the other paraphernalia.