A day as a Medicine Intern

A day typically begins by rushing to the hospital sans breakfast, sans tea/coffee, ie on an empty stomach. There usually is no time for ‘getting ready’. One just grabs the steth, the knee hammer, the inch tape, and the file. The file to be noted here, is the most important part of an intern’s life. There maybe some modifications to the file. Some people prefer a book that serves the same purpose. But really it doesn’t matter. For it is the contents of the file or any modified version of the same that is the most important. It should ideally contain no less than 30 biochemistry requisition forms, 30 hematology forms. That is the basic necessity. The other contents depend on the type of intern that you are. If you are the enthusiastic, hard working breed, then you would burden yourself with 30 of all forms, of all possible colours available, and be ready to jump when your professor asks for the same. Now, there is another variety, the I’m least bothered kind. They usually walk in cooly and calmly and fetch the forms whenever they have been asked from the sister’s station. Both fulfill their duties, but for some reason, the perky ones who carry everything are generally preferred by the post graduates. Anyway, carrying a knee hammer and inch tape is also optional, usually no one cares. But sometimes it makes me feel like I have an alternative vocation, so I generally carry them. You know, can always become a tailor or a carpenter, I guess. And so, well prepared or not, one reaches the hospital. On the way, one would usually receive calls from the post graduates asking where in the world you are. And then further instructions would ensue, usually to record the blood pressure of one patient on the 3rd floor, and another on the ground floor of another block. And so you go to begin the day. In the meantime, there is another job to be done. Collecting reports. Half the time the server would be down. The other half, the computer will be occupied by another fellow species. With a lot of dark looks, and angry stares, you finally manage to get rid of the other intern so you can do your work. And the long tedious process of collecting reports start. You think you’ve got them all, but you will be disappointed later. And then the rounds start. That is usually the time you find out that your co-intern has not showed up for work that day. And that is how you go back to collecting reports again. Its basically akin to a dog. Throw something, and say fetch, the dog will fetch. It’s the fetch game. Anyway back to rounds, its really something. You have to be in it to believe it. The casualty usually resembles a railway station or a fish market, if you may in the morning. It’s the starting point for all units and hence its pure, unadulterated chaos. And after that is basically running around in the unit train, stopping where it stops, and playing fetch with the occupants. Of course, you will have to remember, you also have to double in the role of a typist as and when required. Its non optional. By this time however, your stomach is rolling and growling in pure agony, your legs ache, there is complete mind body disassociation. And yet you lug along, wondering why you even took up medicine. You feel like you are swimming in a sea of urea, creatinine and haemoglobin. Yuck. Anyway, depending on a multitude of variables, you do get to go for lunch. The funny thing is on most days, by the time morning rounds are over, its time for evening rounds. And then its handwriting practice time! Go around the entire hospital one more time to write orders! Combines physical exercise as well. C’s usually resemble e’s and t’s resemble I’s, and even though you know for sure, you’re writing exactly the opposite, you still go on writing. And just when you think you are done for the day, contemplating some alcohol to steady the nerves, you get another call. You are required to accompany a patient to the CT/MRI room. If you are wondering what exactly your role there is, my advise is not to get too excited, because all you will be asked to do probably is make the patient drink 3 l of water. I swear this happened once. Another painful and highly exasperating task is taking the sick patient to the dialysis room. You can be called at any time of the day. And again the funny thing is you have acquired no skills to manage the patient if anything happens. And you keep praying for the next 3 hours-‘please don’t die, please don’t die’. And that is how you manage to get the patient out alive. And you’re self.
PS: any relation to any person living or dead is purely intentional. But it has all been mentioned in jest, so no hard feelings anyone!