We, as ordinary people haven’t seen an atom decay. We may not have even seen a building collapse. You and I were born in the 1980’s.We haven’t seen much of anarchy as well. We might have been used to the topsy turvy mess of a place that most of us live in. the kind of place where we would look for the tooth brush under the bed, or a book under the pillow, or fresh clothes in the laundry basket. The death of a relationship. The pandemonium that follows when you wake up late for the exam. Curly unruly hair that has taken an oath to disobey you. When you suddenly realize you have started talking to yourself. Yes, I am going through that phase now. If you see me talking to myself, turn the other way and pretend I am on the invisible phone. When you know not, where you are supposed to be, and what you have to do. When everything is directionless, aimless, and with no goal in sight. That’s sadly how most of us live our days.
Chaos is the end result of many emotions. Sadness, the death of a relationship when every cell in your body feels the pain of separation. It could be ecstacy, the kind you see on the last day of an exam, when students usually burn history text books. Or the other ecstacy, the smoking weed kind. It could be because of confusion, searching for a tissue in the garbage can, because that’s where you think you stored his number. The guy from the previous night. Or not knowing how you landed up in someone else’s bed. Fear. Fear of unreal things, fear of chaos itself. Fear of feeling chaos. Fear of experiencing moments of decay, and disorder. Letting something else other than rules rule you. Hatred. when even the perfect bouquet of roses that he sent irritates you so much that you hate everything that has any form or order to it. Love. Love can be chaotic. Love is meaningless. But chaos has meaning. Chaos is the order of the universe. Everything decays, everything deteriorates. Everyone dies. Nothing lasts forever. People who say that are lying. Hope- the anti thesis of chaos. We hope for everything to make sense. To have a meaning. If I wanted, I could think of why I am writing this. But sometimes there is no meaning. Maybe what I’m writing has no content. Longing. Longing to see a dead loved one again. Can never happen, but still the feeling persists. Why? Why would you want to do something that you know is not possible? I’ve always wanted to go to the centre of the earth. Even the tiniest atom in me wont survive the journey to the centre of the earth. Its irrational, and obviously not the order of the universe, otherwise all of us would be making night trips there. Anger. Do any of us actually need a reason to be angry? I can be angry because the sun happens to set in the west everyday. I can be angry for letting darkness set in for half the day.
Each emotion usually leads to an action. Unless you are a sanyasi. In which case you wouldn’t be reading my blog. In which case you wouldn’t know me. Emotion and action. They don’t have to be related. An anger outburst could just be the opening of the lacrimal tap. Ecstacy could be a dance- a tribal type one, or a ballet. Who cares. No one does. Another rule of life. No one cares. Believe me. No one does. No one cares what dress you’re wearing.They just want to know if you are making them feel ill dressed or gorgeous. No one cares if you didn’t sleep last night or eat. No one cares if you’re not interested. Liars usually unknowingly sometimes tell the truth. I believe them more than truthers. People who die to know the truth, will accept any form of it. They don’t care. It should just be meaningful. And any sentence can be full of meaning. Just need a few prepositions, a noun and a verb. See I just wrote a whole blog. And if you are a soul searching fanatic like me this would make a lot of meaning.
Loved it! :)
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